Saturday Night Special

You may have seen it by now, but if not, here's the Saturday Night Live opener from last night with a cameo from the amazing Tina Fay as Gov Palin and Amy Poehler's Hilary. Two feminists who see these past few weeks in perfect clarity. Well done.

http://www.nbc.com/Saturday_Night_Live/video/clips/palin-hillary-open/656281/

Because if I don't find a way to laugh about her, I'm going to start crying.

See more Gina Gershon videos at Funny or Die

Let's have some fun with the carnage!

Try JibJab Sendables® eCards today!

This sums up my opinion on Palin

"She is a gift from heaven for McCain and will appeal directly to his desired audience: young, female, unintelligent, and close-minded. And she'll never answer direct questions on anything other than how she met her husband and oh look at my adorable children. No abortion (even if you know you are carrying a fetus with incurable brain damage), no sex education (even if you know this leads to 17 year olds getting pregnant), no evolution and the earth is 6000 years old (even though her state's wealth comes directly from it's hundred million year old geology). She's a sad excuse for a female in the Twenty-First Century and if McCain has any brain cells left, he'll keep her well away from any journalist worth his or her salt."

Thank you, Ingot_Wheat_Rust

Pearls of Political Wisdom, Part 1

“The media doesn’t understand life membership in the NRA; they don’t understand getting up at 3 a.m. to hunt a moose; they don’t understand eating a mooseburger; they don’t understand being married to a guy who likes to snowmobile for fun. I am not surprised that they don’t get it. But Americans get it. A mooseburger means she is like one of us. She is not some jackass who’s ‘gone Washington.’”

-- Florida Rep. Adam Putnam

HILLARY-LITE! Half the credentials as Clinton, but with that fresh Republican Taste!

Well, just 12 or so hours after Barack rode his golden chariot onto the stage in Denver comes McCain's smart bomb: Sarah Palin, 2 year Governor of Alaska has the right stuff to push out Mitt and Huckabee: A vagina!

Sorry Mitt, too late to get one in time for November.

While this move is clearly brilliant and will give some life to the Senator's run at President, I wonder if disenfranchised Clinton supporters will take the bait. Are they so desperate to see a woman in the White House that they will pick McCain over Obama, just to make sure that glass ceiling with 18 million cracks finally gets broken? McCain hopes so.

Wikipedia's short summary includes: "Palin is considered to have similar policy positions to George Bush and John McCain in most respects."

Her NRA membership, anti-abortion position, and blue collar background will certainly help enthrall the midwest housewives. Oh, and her oldest son is in the Army and being deployed to Iraq. Perfectly perfect!

Bait's on the hook ladies... wanna bite?

BTW: While some pundits are saying how shocked they are by this out-of-left-field choice, it's been an option for awhile. See the DANIEL FINKELSTEIN article from TimesOnline putting Palin on the short list way back in May.

John Edwards wants to be Bill Clinton when he grows up.

Looks like some of the moolah from those $400 hair cuts have been going to pay for baby food. He hasn't fessed up yet to the child, but John Edwards did confirm he was not only involved in an affair (I don't care) but publicly admitted to hiding it (I do care).

Look John, be morally vacant on your own time. Don't cheat on your cancer ridden wife while teaching us about the moral highground of your "Two Americas". It comes off as um... like your an a-hole.

The truly sad thing is that the deep cuts in investigative journalism meant that the National Inquirer needed to break the story.

I think it's time for me to get out of the the blog business. I'm losing my desire to report on these pricks.

NOTE TO OBAMA: If you have anything to spill, you'd better spill it, so we can elect the crusty but highly researched "other guy".

LINK

Jail bars are just a series of tubes: SEN. TED STEVENS INDICTED

Sen. Ted Stevens pleaded not guilty Thursday to seven felony counts of filing false information.

Stevens, the longest-serving Republican in Senate history, has been accused of not disclosing more than $250,000 in gifts and services he allegedly received from VECO, an Alaska oil services firm.

Stevens has not been charged with the more serious crime of bribery because prosecutors do not have evidence of a quid pro quo. Some legal experts say the case may be tough to prosecute because prosecutors will have to show beyond a reasonable doubt that Stevens knowingly filed false financial disclosure forms with the Senate.

Stevens said nothing to reporters before or after the arraignment. When the proceedings were over, he and his legal team slipped out a side door and into two black Cadillacs that were waiting for them.

U.S. District Judge Emmet Sullivan set a trial date of Sept. 24. The early date came at the request of Stevens' attorney, Brendan Sullivan, who said that his client "would like to clear his name before his election."

Stevens, 84, was released on his own recognizance.


QUICK! TOSS THE PRICK IN JAIL BEFORE BUSH PARDONS HIM. I can't think of a better end for his career.

Chevron. Greenwashing the amazon in oil paint.

Above: From Chevron's web site. I wonder if their web designer shot himself in the head before he cashed his check.

Chevron Lobbies to Fight Amazon Pollution Lawsuit

Newsweek reports Chevron is urging the Bush administration to yank special trade preferences for Ecuador if the country’s government doesn’t quash a lawsuit against the oil company.

Chevron has been sued for dumping billions of gallons of toxic oil waste into Ecuador’s rain forest. Activists have described the disaster as an Amazon Chernobyl. Earlier this year, a court-appointed expert recommended Chevron be required to pay up to $16 billion to clean up the rain forest. Now, Chevron is lobbying the Bush administration to pressure Ecuador to quash the case.
Chevron’s lobbying team includes former Senate Majority Leader Trent Lott, former Democratic Senator John Breaux and Wayne Berman, a top fundraiser for John McCain.

One lobbyist told Newsweek, “We can’t let little countries screw around with big companies like this—companies that have made big investments around the world.”

Feel helpless against the awesome weight of corporate rape? You're not. Vote with your wallet. If you don't like what Chevron does, don't go there. Money talks.

SOURCE: Democracy Now

What can I say, Gore makes me feel better.

Gore has really come into his own since he left political crap slinging. It's a shame that you need to give up common sense and integrity to become suitable for President. In absence of true global leadership, I'll follow this guy.

Iran Photoshops Pictures To Hide Missile Failure

This one is right up my alley. Doing web design for a living, I have spent nearly every day of the past 15 years pushing pixels around in Photoshop. So when a bad Photoshop job crosses my eyeballs I have to post. I guess Iran's missile tests last week had a dud, which they decided to cover up using a little rubber stamp tool.

Here is the picture used in many newspapers. Note the areas of exact duplication in the smoke at the bases of the two right-hand missiles. This is classic copy/paste.



And here is the original:



And since most newspapers laid off their fact-checking staff to save money, the Photoshopped copy gets run.

Jessie Jackson Threatens Obama's Nuts

Anyone remember "Hymietown"? That was the anti-semitic slur spoken to a reporter during Jesse Jackson's 1984 presidential campaign. Oops, he did it again. During an interview on FOX NEWS, of all places, he was caught saying "See, Barack been um, talking down to black people... I wanna cut his nuts off."

Wowza baby! Poor Jessie. Never seems to keep his mouth shut. When you get another white man elected President, I'm sure you'll feel good about moving the African-American agenda forward. Well done.

Here it is... you can almost SEE the glee in Bill's eyes as he introduces the tape. It's like he just won $500 bucks on a scratch ticket.



And here is the backpedal...



He said he didn't know the microphone was on, and it was a private conversation. Apparently he was upset that in a recent speech, Obama was telling a black audience they needed to take some responsibility to improve their conditions. Or something like that. I didn't care enough to Google it.

Anyway, nice one, bud! At least you are getting more creative in your senility. For a final thought, here is some random dude summing it all up nicely. Make sure you at least go to 4:45 where he drops the thoughtful discourse and launches a barrage of insults on the guy. Too funny.

George Carlin on "the American Dream"

You are missed already.

Tonight's Colbert Report was stunning

It was. Held in PA, it not only featured expected guest Hilary Clinton (slipped earlier in the week), but Obama and in a hilarious segment, John Edwards. Nice work. The perfect chaser for the stiff drink of ABC's stale debate.

Last nights debate answered vital questions about Obama's lapel jewlery.

"By so badly botching arguably the most critical debate of such an important election, in a time of both war and economic misery, you disgraced the American voters, and in fact even disgraced democracy itself."

- Will Bunch, Philadelphia Daily News

Yeah, it kinda sucked. I think the questions about why Obama doesn't wear a flag pin is best. Like he hasn't answered that a million times. After 45 minutes, they finally started talking about real issues. The two hosts, Charles Gibson and George Stephanopoulos (formerly in the Clinton Administration... can't we call foul on that?) seemed to take special glee in trying to trip up Obama and Clinton. They may chalk it up to good journalism, but it came off more like them grandstanding.

It's crap like this makes most sane people never think of running for public office.

That said, Clinton seemed more in control. Obama seemed tired. A

On the bright side, this was watched by an unprecedented 10.7 million people. Not too shabby.

Gross generalizations on the grossest generation.

Above: Recent hair color ad for boomers.

Inspired by a 60-something guy in a beat up Mercedes who let his dog shit on someone's grass without cleaning it up, Glastonbury, CT...

The progeny of "The Greatest Generation" are remarkable for many reasons.

They started off being raised in a Leave It to Beaver inspired society which slowly drove their parents insane. Suburban perfection. Lobotomy via ranch house.

Then, realizing their parents were hopeless tools of the Establishment, they stopped shaving their armpits and faces, diving into as much counterculture as they dared, though most just sat it out and watched TV. Some decided to spend their time bitching about VietNam from cozy dorms in sunny California.

As time wore on they dropped the love beads, picked up a grey suit and loafers and grabbed for the golden ring, amassing an alarming amount of wealth that was then quickly spent on gas swilling cars and power sucking 5 bedroom homes. They began to breed like rabbits with little concern for the landfills filling up around them with the piles of shit they created.

Promptly ignoring those children, they delved into more self-absorbed behavior in the name of "mid-life crisis," oblivious to the fact that their own vapid lifestyle created their misery. The cushioned the blow of middle age with nicer cars (convertibles seemed to ease the pain), hair plugs, therapy, and massive amounts of alcohol.

Later in life they stared blankly into an absurd world filled with pollution, climate change, a bipolar economy and wars for natural resources. Where did all the idealism go? They were led for 16 years by two baby boomer presidents, one setting the bar so fucking low that it was easy for the second to slither under with his cold war cronies. The most clueless of the boomers seemed to like the second guy most of all, maybe cause he made them feel less stupid.

Now, as they slowly retire, they still watch TV, and in between they see a commercial with a newly face-lifted Dennis Hopper telling them they need a corporate retirement plan with the intro to "Gimmie Some Lovin'" playing away in the background. Then a hair color commercial dedicated to "the generation that swore it would never get old. And didn't."

65 years young and still getting smoke blown up their wrinkled over-privilaged arses.

They are told how young they are, the best years are ahead, and hey, there are still a few drops of The Good Life left to pick up. A boat, an RV... maybe a nice condo in Florida. Sprinkle on top some Viagra and shake well.

Of course, I'm speaking in gross generalizations here. I know many "boomers" who are wonderful people and far from this norm. That said, you are for the most part, pretty gross. We'll see if my generation can do any better.



Related reading by a boomer.

English guy rants on extreme Islam, makes good points.

His website.
His other films (he's on YouTube too.)

Mr Heston, we loved you... even though you were all NRA nutty and stuff.

US Stem Cell Policy Inspired by Anti-Authoritarian Scifi

I have no idea if this is factual, but I love the idea of Bush sitting there enraptured during "story time." The below clip asserts that a Bush aide read a part of "Brave New World" to W, freaking him out and this informed his decisions on stem cells.

"What was it in the novel that made Bush change the course of the nation's scientific research, putting the U.S. several years behind Europe and Asia? Apparently Bush adviser Jay Lefkowitz read the President a passage from the novel about genetically-engineered babies being grown in womb factories and Bush got really quiet and upset. He seemed to think there was a direct connection between stem cell research and wholesale government control of future generations' genetic code. What he didn't realize was that the genome hacking in Brave New World is actually done to prevent the need for welfare and other pesky social programs that Bush hates -- all the working class people are designed to be strong, stupid, and enjoy manual labor so they never get annoyed by working at McDonalds. And they never demand libraries or healthcare."

Hey, George, they have Cliff Notes for it! It got you through Yale, it can get you through policy decisions!

Read the rest at io9.com.

You taxes at work... it's fun to find out!!!!

A highly trumpeted part of the "success" of the recent surge in Iraq has been the Iraqis who are now working with the Army and driving back the insurgents. These include groups under the banner "Awakening."

BY THE WAY... WE ARE PAYING THEM. WHAT HAPPENS WHEN WE STOP PAYING THEM?

Glad they are shooting at something other than Americans, but most of these people we shooting at us last year.

Learn more about the Awakening movements in Iraq

Dick Cheney doesn't care what you think, and isn't afraid to say so.

ABC's Good Morning America had Dick Cheney on...

Reporter to Cheney: "Two thirds of Americans say [the war] is not worth fighting."

Cheney (smirking): "So?"

Reporter: "So? You don't care what the American people think?"

Cheney: "No."

Don't believe me? Here it is:



NOTE: A CNN recent poll states 2/3 of Americans oppose the war and 7 out of 10 think it's hurt the economy.

I will personally through a party when that diseased rotten heart of his finally craps out and he's sent to hell where he belongs. Fuck off Cheney, and fuck off everyone that was stupid enough to re-elect you.

Petraeus seems like a good guy in a shitty job

Above: David Petraeus tries to approximate how high the political bullshit is piled up around his desk.

With all the comparisons between VietNam and Iraq, one thing seems to be blissfully different... no one is giving the soldiers a hard time when they return. Just about everyone is in agreement that the majority of our soldiers are trying to do what the President wants them to do, even if the whole thing was planned by "Fortunate Son" military side-steppers in that former war.

One very high profile example is David H. Petraeus, the current commander of Iraq Forces, the so called "Architect" of "The Surge." According to Boston Globe reporter Charles Sennott he has brought an imaginative and intelligent plan to help solve the snafu the small-minded cluster fuckers created.

According to Sennott, one of the Generals skills is to take the best of his soldiers and encourage them to be inventive in problem solving, which can go into such minutia as helping groups solve small issues within Iraqi neighborhoods. They help pose questions to these groups and step back and let the people solve their issues.

He also appears to be a student of history's successes and failures... is that even allowed? He even wrote at length on the failures in VietNam. What the hell is he even doing taking orders from W?

Anyway, good luck General. You have a crappy gig, and seems like a smart fellow and an exceptional soldier. It sounds like you are on your way to NATO after Iraq. With a little luck the gains you made will be meaningful.

HERE'S THE INTERVIEW WITH THE REPORTER. WORTH A LISTEN.

Bring your daughter to war day

From the Onion:


Army Holds Annual 'Bring Your Daughter To War' Day

Dick Cheney is a pig fucking god damn pig fucking pig fuck.

"If you look back on those five years it has been a difficult, challenging but nonetheless successful endeavor ... and it has been well worth the effort," Cheney told a news conference in Baghdad after meeting Iraqi leaders.

Here's one of the few times he's received any feedback... who could forget this classic moment.

Bush Intervened to Weaken EPA Smog Rules

The Washington Post has revealed the Environmental Protection Agency weakened a key section of its new smog rules after a last minute intervention by President Bush. The rules deal with the level of protection given to wildlife, parks and other open areas from smog. The EPA’s initially proposed limits were already less restrictive than government scientists had recommended. But according to newly disclosed documents, President Bush ordered the EPA to increase its allowed smog limits even further. The intervention was so last-minute that it forced the EPA to delay its announcement of the new rules by five hours. To accommodate the weakened regulations, government lawyers rushed to change public welfare guidelines set by previous submissions to the Supreme Court. The National Resources Defense Council calls the White House intervention “unprecedented and unlawful.”

SOURCE