Wednesday, April 16, 2008

Gross generalizations on the grossest generation.

Above: Recent hair color ad for boomers.

Inspired by a 60-something guy in a beat up Mercedes who let his dog shit on someone's grass without cleaning it up, Glastonbury, CT...

The progeny of "The Greatest Generation" are remarkable for many reasons.

They started off being raised in a Leave It to Beaver inspired society which slowly drove their parents insane. Suburban perfection. Lobotomy via ranch house.

Then, realizing their parents were hopeless tools of the Establishment, they stopped shaving their armpits and faces, diving into as much counterculture as they dared, though most just sat it out and watched TV. Some decided to spend their time bitching about VietNam from cozy dorms in sunny California.

As time wore on they dropped the love beads, picked up a grey suit and loafers and grabbed for the golden ring, amassing an alarming amount of wealth that was then quickly spent on gas swilling cars and power sucking 5 bedroom homes. They began to breed like rabbits with little concern for the landfills filling up around them with the piles of shit they created.

Promptly ignoring those children, they delved into more self-absorbed behavior in the name of "mid-life crisis," oblivious to the fact that their own vapid lifestyle created their misery. The cushioned the blow of middle age with nicer cars (convertibles seemed to ease the pain), hair plugs, therapy, and massive amounts of alcohol.

Later in life they stared blankly into an absurd world filled with pollution, climate change, a bipolar economy and wars for natural resources. Where did all the idealism go? They were led for 16 years by two baby boomer presidents, one setting the bar so fucking low that it was easy for the second to slither under with his cold war cronies. The most clueless of the boomers seemed to like the second guy most of all, maybe cause he made them feel less stupid.

Now, as they slowly retire, they still watch TV, and in between they see a commercial with a newly face-lifted Dennis Hopper telling them they need a corporate retirement plan with the intro to "Gimmie Some Lovin'" playing away in the background. Then a hair color commercial dedicated to "the generation that swore it would never get old. And didn't."

65 years young and still getting smoke blown up their wrinkled over-privilaged arses.

They are told how young they are, the best years are ahead, and hey, there are still a few drops of The Good Life left to pick up. A boat, an RV... maybe a nice condo in Florida. Sprinkle on top some Viagra and shake well.

Of course, I'm speaking in gross generalizations here. I know many "boomers" who are wonderful people and far from this norm. That said, you are for the most part, pretty gross. We'll see if my generation can do any better.

Related reading by a boomer.

1 comment:

ed said...

A poisoned t-bone will take care of that dog nicely. As for the jerk he's stuck with, plant some kiddie porn in his mailbox. goodbye, pesky boomer neighbor.