Wednesday, July 11, 2007

This Live Earth critic could make even the most humorless enviro-zealot laugh

National Review columnist Mark Hemingway makes some hilarious observations while watching a considerable amont of the Live Earth concert. You can read the whole thing HERE but I've pulled a few of the best lines. If you watched the show, no doubt you found something to enjoy, but I'll admit it had some silly moments. It's nothing new; I recall getting pissed during Live Aid when cameras would pan away from Black Sabbath so they could show MTV VJ's dancing like total jackasses.

If you are going to be an arm-chair critic, at least be this funny...

"Originally, National Review Online thought that I might want to attend the North American concert and report directly, but I’m trying to keep my carbon footprint to a minimum. Besides, the irony of traveling to New Jersey to support an environmental cause is a tad dispiriting."

"10:26: The first iPhone ad, of what had to be hundreds more to come."

"12:34: Live Earth is encouraging audience participation by scrolling the names of viewers who send text message on a large screen behind the stage. My cell phone sits impishly on the corner of my desk, patiently waiting for Heywood Jablome and Amanda Hugginkiss of Washington, D.C., to register their support in letters eight-feet high and luminous."

"12:59: Another PSA, this time horrendously exploited children prattling on about global warming. One very young girl bemoans that her children may never see a blue sky or green grass. It’s a full-frame closeup with tears streaming down her face. Naturally, this causes my wife to laugh uproariously. I knew there was a reason I married her."

"1:01: Daryl Hannah, who speaks in a voice so childish I wonder if Jackson Browne isn’t threatening her off camera, is explaining to a befuddled Karen Duffy how she’s been “living off the grid for sometime.” It takes me a second to realize she’s not talking about her acting career."

"2:49: Kevin Bacon introduces KT Tunstall in New Jersey saying Live Earth is the “biggest global event ever.” Really? Everyone in the house that remembers World War II wave your hands in the air like you just don’t care…"

"4:13: Czech supermodel Petra Nemcova, famous chiefly for her Sports Illustrated cover and being caught at a Thai resort during the 2004 tsunami which killed her fiancĂ©, takes the stage in London to explain that she wasn’t angry at nature, but that she saw the tsunami as nature’s cry for help. She wonders whether we will answer “the call of the nature.” So now we’re blaming earthquakes on global warming? "

"5:27: Ben Affleck does a PSA virtually identical to Holly Hunter’s about purchasing digital music. I officially smell a conspiracy." (Al Gore is on the board of Apple, Inc)

"5:55: John Mayer takes the stage. Mayer is Berklee College of Music grad and arguably the first virtuoso musician to take the stage today. For all of his technically impressive licks, every song the man writes makes my cochlea want to leap out of my head and dissolve themselves in a warm bucket of lye. "

"6:49: Al segues into introducing a “wonderful American rock band” the Foo Fighters performing in London. I’ll just note that the Foo Fighters last radio hit was a cover of Prince’s “Darling Nikki,” the song supposedly so obscene when Tipper Gore heard her daughter listening to it, she formed the Parents’ Music Resource Center and the ensuing congressional hearings forced the music industry to adopt parental warning stickers. Either she has no integrity whatsoever, or I’m imagining that concert organizers locked Tipper in a trunk under the under the stage with a ball gag in her mouth. "

Well done Mr. Hemingway

1 comment:

Liz said...

Jim Coleman offers a great commentary on Affleck's PSA - check it out at